First of all, congratulations to the ex and his wife on the birth of their new baby. No, really. I mean it.
When I picked up the boys today, they came screaming out the door to tell me the news. And then promptly got in a fight, because apparently Boy 2 had won Rock, Paper, Scissors and therefore the privilege of telling me. And then Boy 1 just talked faster. And for the moment, that was a bigger deal than the new brother.
Anywhoo… I knew this moment was coming. My children getting a new sibling. I thought maybe I would need a bottle of wine, some contemplation or, I don’t know, something. But the reaction I had was more like if my mother had told me some second cousin from Nebraska whom I had only met once as a child had given birth. So, it was more like, “huh” and then, as an afterthought, what did the kid weigh?
I know, I know. This is an important event in my boys’ lives. I’m sure stuff will change for them. At their other house. I do care about that and I’m glad that they are excited and welcoming of their new brother (even if he is named after a rock, heh). I just can’t seem to get that emotional about it otherwise.
I think I’ll still have that glass of wine though.
It is so like me to start a blog right at the busiest time of the year. Summer time in this part of the country is a collective shift of the community from hibernation to complete manic activity. The short summer season here makes me feel like I have to do X,Y, and Z like RIGHT now or the warm months will have been wasted. I am, in fact, looking out the window on a garden plot that needs some serious attention. While gardening is not really my gig, with food prices the way they are, planting swiss chard and broccoli seems like a good way to save a few bucks.
Then there is the second job. I live in a major tourist area and decided that taking a part-time evening job serving tables on the weeks when I don’t have the kids would be a good idea. Money-wise, it’s awesome but it means that when I do work in the evenings, I am working from 9 am until midnight or later. The interesting thing is that I used to look forward to my non-custody weeks (for the peace and quiet because I’m just an evil mom like that), but now the custody weeks seem easier!
Even though…. Boy 1 is firmly entrenched in teenagehood. My god. The attitude! I feel so bad for the teenage angst he is experiencing, but at the same time, I want to kick his butt into next week (or the year 2015). And he won’t even be 13 until June. The anger issues, which I’m assured are normal for this stage, nonetheless smack of his father’s pent up anger and control issues and that worries me.
Speaking of which… I took both boys on a little road trip to a State Rec area about 40 miles out of town the other weekend. It also happens to be about 20 miles past the area my ex and his wife live. As we’re cruising down the road, Boy 2 pipes up, all worried-like, from the back seat and says, “We can’t go on this road! Dad says he needs his space!”. Excuse the hell out of me??? What is wrong with that man!
Dad’s House wrote a post this morning that hit a chord in me. See it here. Communication issues are prevalent amongst us single parents, but sharing information about your child’s health should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, for some people, withholding information is a way to exercise control. Even if it affects their own child.
And then, there is this extreme…
My ex threw a fit one time because I scheduled dentist appointments during his week. The boys both had cavities and I took the earliest appointments available because our dentist is normally booked out several weeks. This is just a snippet of the thousands of words he had to write about the subject:
“I will still be calling care providers and informing them you are not authorized to schedule appointments in the future without my consent, as I am the insurance holder and you continue to overstep your parental rights with no agreement to stop that behavior.”
I had emailed him that I would be happy to leave work and take the boys to their appointments if he couldn’t, but he felt the major point was that I had encroached on HIS parenting time. Well, fine, if you put your self before your kids rotting teeth.
I told him to go ahead if his lawyer agreed with him. He’d just look like an ass anyway. The boys kept their appointments.
It’s super unfortunate when parents put their own petulance and control issues before their children and health care.