Tag Archives: control issues

Oh, for Pete’s sake!

It is so like me to start a blog right at the busiest time of the year.  Summer time in this part of the country is a collective shift of the community from hibernation to complete manic activity.  The short summer season here makes me feel like I have to do X,Y, and Z like RIGHT now or the warm months will have been wasted.  I am, in fact, looking out the window on a garden plot that needs some serious attention.  While gardening is not really my gig, with food prices the way they are, planting swiss chard and broccoli seems like a good way to save a few bucks.

Then there is the second job.  I live in a major tourist area and decided that taking a part-time evening job serving tables on the weeks when I don’t have the kids would be a good idea.  Money-wise, it’s awesome but it means that when I do work in the evenings, I am working from 9 am until midnight or later.  The interesting thing is that I used to look forward to my non-custody weeks (for the peace and quiet because I’m just an evil mom like that), but now the custody weeks seem easier!

Even though…. Boy 1 is firmly entrenched in teenagehood.  My god.  The attitude!  I feel so bad for the teenage angst he is experiencing, but at the same time, I want to kick his butt into next week (or the year 2015).  And he won’t even be 13 until June.  The anger issues, which I’m assured are normal for this stage, nonetheless smack of his father’s pent up anger and control issues and that worries me.

Speaking of which… I took both boys on a little road trip to a State Rec area about 40 miles out of town the other weekend.  It also happens to be about 20 miles past the area my ex and his wife live.  As we’re cruising down the road, Boy 2 pipes up, all worried-like,  from the back seat and says, “We can’t go on this road!  Dad says he needs his space!”.  Excuse the hell out of me??? What is wrong with that man!



In response to Dad’s house re: medical info sharing;

Dad’s House wrote a post this morning that hit a chord in me. See it here. Communication issues are prevalent amongst us single parents, but sharing information about your child’s health should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, for some people, withholding information is a way to exercise control. Even if it affects their own child.

And then, there is this extreme…

My ex threw a fit one time because I scheduled dentist appointments during his week. The boys both had cavities and I took the earliest appointments available because our dentist is normally booked out several weeks. This is just a snippet of the thousands of words he had to write about the subject:

“I will still be calling care providers and informing them you are not authorized to schedule appointments in the future without my consent, as I am the insurance holder and you continue to overstep your parental rights with no agreement to stop that behavior.”

I had emailed him that I would be happy to leave work and take the boys to their appointments if he couldn’t, but he felt the major point was that I had encroached on HIS parenting time. Well, fine, if you put your self before your kids rotting teeth.

I told him to go ahead if his lawyer agreed with him. He’d just look like an ass anyway. The boys kept their appointments.

It’s super unfortunate when parents put their own petulance and control issues before their children and health care.

Drama, drama, drama

What a weekend!  Just when I thought that it could all be smooth sailing on a kidless weekend….oh, no, no, no.  I may have mentioned before that the ex works 24 on, 48 off (I get first childcare option on his weekend work days).  The work shift this last weekend fell on Sunday.  Okay, plans made to take visiting teacher/houseguest from remote “dry”  (meaning no liquor allowed) village out for a night on the town Friday night.  (Sidenote: Boy 1 participated in a cultural rural-urban exchange in the Alaska bush, he loved it, this last week was our turn to host.)  Friday afternoon, I get an email from the ex stating, :“I am working tonight, per the parenting agreement you asked for, you are responsible for getting Boy 1 from school and to Really Far Away Meeting Spot Sat. morning at 8:30 am.  Arrangements have allready been made for Boy 2  to overnite at a friend’s house which I will be taking care of.” Well, fine, I am nothing if not flexible.  I make arrangements for Boy 1 to stay at Sister’s house overnight.  Then I get to thinking, wow, that sucks that Boy 1 has to be dragged out of bed at 8 am to go to the Really Far Away Meeting Spot, just to turn around and come back to town at 11 am for the farewell to the Village People at the airport.  Screw it.  I KNOW it’s a violation of the parenting agreement, but you know what?  The case is closed, Folks.  Noone cares.  There is no ongoing custody investigation, the judge could really give a shit at this point.

So I fire off this email around 9:30 pm:

“So that Boy 1 is not spending an hour traveling back and forth tomorrow morning, he can just stay here and catch a ride with Village Teacher to the airport where you can meet him, since you were planning on taking him to the airport anyways.

Before you start screaming about the parenting agreement, why don’t we just call it even for your scheduling a trip taking the boys on some of my custody days without checking with me first. (please note, he violates the parenting agreement all over the place)

Since I haven’t heard that you won’t be working on Sunday, I will plan on picking the boys up Sunday AM.”

Boy 1 happily goes to his Auntie’s house, Village Teacher and I happily partake of libations and live music until the wee hours.  Come home at 3 am, wake up at 8 am, fetch Boy 1 and put him back to sleep on the couch.  Go back to bed, set alarm for one hour.  Phone starts ringing at 8:30 am.  It is the ex, making like he never got the email.  Ignore phone, drift off.  Phone rings again, this time the Step-Mother, sounding all worried like on the answering machine, “Boy 1, it’s your step-mother.  Your dad is waiting at the Really Far in BFE Meeting Spot.”  Phone rings again.  It’s the Ex.  Again.  I pick up (even though he has said I am never to talk to him again).  “Where is my son,” he asks.  I answer, “he’s sleeping.  Did you get my email?”  Which, of course he did.  He hangs up.  Then the freaking phone rings some more.  It’s the step-mother… demanding to speak to Tony, whom she is convinced is awake.  She wants to confirm airport plans (nevermind that there were FIVE phone calls the evening before about the same damn thing).  I say, “Eleven, at the airport”. And she hangs up on me.  THEN SHE CALLS RIGHT BACK!!!! I answer, ever so sweetly and as if I don’t see it’s her on the caller ID.  AND SHE IMMEDIATELY HANGS UP!!!  I know, I know.  She’s 12.

I anticipate the retaliatory email all day.  I am, in fact, breathless in anticipation!  And I get… nothing?  It’s actually a little disappointing.  Then I get one.  And it says, I work Sunday.  Oh goody!  Another early morning, rising at 7 am to drive 20 miles to B.F.E.  Where I sit for 30 minutes.  He’s a no-show, so I go back home to find this email:I decided to take some time off this morning. The boys will be available for you at the Really Far Away Meeting Spot at 4pm. Otherwise, they will remain with us uninterrupted for the remainder of our custody week. Jerk.

And then this email, which my mom was nice enough to forward.  It wasn’t addressed to me, just to my mother and another close friend/caregiver.  It’s the best….

On Saturday 4/12/08, Entire Legal Name took it upon herself to not return my son, Entire Legal Name of Boy 1, to me immediately following my work shift on my legal custody weekend. She did so with explanation only that it prevented travel time she personally deemed unnecessary. Half-assed single Mom assumed the legal right to dictate my son’s schedule during my legal custody time and took personal advantage of the transition that must occur to her house while I am on shift during my custody weekend.

Entire Legal Name broke the court-ordered parenting agreement by not returning my son to me at the court-orderded time and location and intentionally denied me legal custody time with my son.

Like my mother is going to spank me?  Puh-lease.  It’s been two years, and the Ex STILL doesn’t realize that she is so not on his side.

Good times, good times.