A blast from the past email from the oh-so-perfect stepmother…

Please, Bio-Mom. There just must not be enough love in this world……not sure if it is hormones or what, but I have even recently thought, as I used to before the drama became evident, “hmmmm, wouldn’t it feel nice to drop by Bio-mom’s work with the boys just so they can run in and say hi”….or “maybe Bio-mom would love some fresh flowers, just because…” ……all of this because I know what love on this earth can do – ok, maybe not really “love” in this situation, that is a real reach at this point, but at least the whole Random Act of Kindness gig……NO sarcasm in that either…..but then I always wake from that fantasy with the reality of the dishonesty dished out our way. In another life, I would still be able to do those things. I do believe in the creed of my bumper stickers, I am just not the saint who wrote them. I wish I could reach out and provide Random Acts of Kindness to you, if only for selfish reasons, because I know deep down how good that would actually feel…and because maybe, just maybe, that would make a difference to you and this dishonesty and bullony would stop. There is a quote I adore: “When they conk you on the head with their billysticks, zap them right back with superlove.” I feel like my head has been conked on plenty by you, but I’ll be darned if I can muster the ability to zap you back with any of form superlove.

Now, while this woman has sent me reams and reams of crazy-ass emails, this one is my favorite. I mean, where the hell did that quote come from? I googled it, and sure enough there was an entry on or some such site. But I’m pretty sure she submitted it herself.

Oh, and the dishonesty and ‘bullony’ to which she refers? No idea. Except maybe it pissed them off when I challenged their attempt to change the custody agreement SIX months after they met. I’ve asked for examples of my ‘dishonesty’, etc, but somehow that evidence is never forthcoming.

And the bumper stickers? One of my other favorite things. Both of their vehicles now have bumper stickers that say hippie-sweet things such as, “With Love, All Things Are Possible” and “Peace is Possible”. I totally called her on the hypocrisy of sporting such sentiments, while continuing to send crazy emails on a daily basis.

Hope everyone has a SUPERLOVE sort of day! Go SUPERLOVE someone. Or yourself!


In response to Dad’s house re: medical info sharing;

Dad’s House wrote a post this morning that hit a chord in me. See it here. Communication issues are prevalent amongst us single parents, but sharing information about your child’s health should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, for some people, withholding information is a way to exercise control. Even if it affects their own child.

And then, there is this extreme…

My ex threw a fit one time because I scheduled dentist appointments during his week. The boys both had cavities and I took the earliest appointments available because our dentist is normally booked out several weeks. This is just a snippet of the thousands of words he had to write about the subject:

“I will still be calling care providers and informing them you are not authorized to schedule appointments in the future without my consent, as I am the insurance holder and you continue to overstep your parental rights with no agreement to stop that behavior.”

I had emailed him that I would be happy to leave work and take the boys to their appointments if he couldn’t, but he felt the major point was that I had encroached on HIS parenting time. Well, fine, if you put your self before your kids rotting teeth.

I told him to go ahead if his lawyer agreed with him. He’d just look like an ass anyway. The boys kept their appointments.

It’s super unfortunate when parents put their own petulance and control issues before their children and health care.

Why brain-to-mouth filters are good…

My phone rings last night and the caller ID displays my sister’s name. Being the loving sister that I am, I answer with a “Waaaaasssssuuuuuuup, BEEEEEYOOOOOTCH?”.

Just to hear my four-yr-old nephew holler back, “WWWWWHHHHHAAAAAAAT YOU SAAAAAAY???”


Drama, drama, drama

What a weekend!  Just when I thought that it could all be smooth sailing on a kidless weekend….oh, no, no, no.  I may have mentioned before that the ex works 24 on, 48 off (I get first childcare option on his weekend work days).  The work shift this last weekend fell on Sunday.  Okay, plans made to take visiting teacher/houseguest from remote “dry”  (meaning no liquor allowed) village out for a night on the town Friday night.  (Sidenote: Boy 1 participated in a cultural rural-urban exchange in the Alaska bush, he loved it, this last week was our turn to host.)  Friday afternoon, I get an email from the ex stating, :“I am working tonight, per the parenting agreement you asked for, you are responsible for getting Boy 1 from school and to Really Far Away Meeting Spot Sat. morning at 8:30 am.  Arrangements have allready been made for Boy 2  to overnite at a friend’s house which I will be taking care of.” Well, fine, I am nothing if not flexible.  I make arrangements for Boy 1 to stay at Sister’s house overnight.  Then I get to thinking, wow, that sucks that Boy 1 has to be dragged out of bed at 8 am to go to the Really Far Away Meeting Spot, just to turn around and come back to town at 11 am for the farewell to the Village People at the airport.  Screw it.  I KNOW it’s a violation of the parenting agreement, but you know what?  The case is closed, Folks.  Noone cares.  There is no ongoing custody investigation, the judge could really give a shit at this point.

So I fire off this email around 9:30 pm:

“So that Boy 1 is not spending an hour traveling back and forth tomorrow morning, he can just stay here and catch a ride with Village Teacher to the airport where you can meet him, since you were planning on taking him to the airport anyways.

Before you start screaming about the parenting agreement, why don’t we just call it even for your scheduling a trip taking the boys on some of my custody days without checking with me first. (please note, he violates the parenting agreement all over the place)

Since I haven’t heard that you won’t be working on Sunday, I will plan on picking the boys up Sunday AM.”

Boy 1 happily goes to his Auntie’s house, Village Teacher and I happily partake of libations and live music until the wee hours.  Come home at 3 am, wake up at 8 am, fetch Boy 1 and put him back to sleep on the couch.  Go back to bed, set alarm for one hour.  Phone starts ringing at 8:30 am.  It is the ex, making like he never got the email.  Ignore phone, drift off.  Phone rings again, this time the Step-Mother, sounding all worried like on the answering machine, “Boy 1, it’s your step-mother.  Your dad is waiting at the Really Far in BFE Meeting Spot.”  Phone rings again.  It’s the Ex.  Again.  I pick up (even though he has said I am never to talk to him again).  “Where is my son,” he asks.  I answer, “he’s sleeping.  Did you get my email?”  Which, of course he did.  He hangs up.  Then the freaking phone rings some more.  It’s the step-mother… demanding to speak to Tony, whom she is convinced is awake.  She wants to confirm airport plans (nevermind that there were FIVE phone calls the evening before about the same damn thing).  I say, “Eleven, at the airport”. And she hangs up on me.  THEN SHE CALLS RIGHT BACK!!!! I answer, ever so sweetly and as if I don’t see it’s her on the caller ID.  AND SHE IMMEDIATELY HANGS UP!!!  I know, I know.  She’s 12.

I anticipate the retaliatory email all day.  I am, in fact, breathless in anticipation!  And I get… nothing?  It’s actually a little disappointing.  Then I get one.  And it says, I work Sunday.  Oh goody!  Another early morning, rising at 7 am to drive 20 miles to B.F.E.  Where I sit for 30 minutes.  He’s a no-show, so I go back home to find this email:I decided to take some time off this morning. The boys will be available for you at the Really Far Away Meeting Spot at 4pm. Otherwise, they will remain with us uninterrupted for the remainder of our custody week. Jerk.

And then this email, which my mom was nice enough to forward.  It wasn’t addressed to me, just to my mother and another close friend/caregiver.  It’s the best….

On Saturday 4/12/08, Entire Legal Name took it upon herself to not return my son, Entire Legal Name of Boy 1, to me immediately following my work shift on my legal custody weekend. She did so with explanation only that it prevented travel time she personally deemed unnecessary. Half-assed single Mom assumed the legal right to dictate my son’s schedule during my legal custody time and took personal advantage of the transition that must occur to her house while I am on shift during my custody weekend.

Entire Legal Name broke the court-ordered parenting agreement by not returning my son to me at the court-orderded time and location and intentionally denied me legal custody time with my son.

Like my mother is going to spank me?  Puh-lease.  It’s been two years, and the Ex STILL doesn’t realize that she is so not on his side.

Good times, good times.

As We Change

When I received an invitation in the mail to join the AARP, I really thought it was a one-off.  I chuckled and promptly tossed it in the trash.

And then.  I get the most amazing ‘mature woman’ catalogue ever (with the possible exception of the International Male catalogue).  It’s called “As We Change” and I have to tell you, it has provided me with endless hours of amusement.  I think I’ve showed it to my boyfriend three times already.  The bathing suits are awesome and I really could dig all the clothing with disguised elastic panels.  Someday.  For now though, I think I may try this one:


Because the after picture is SO much better than the before!  Who wouldn’t want the sisters spread-eagled?

Ex-Email of the Week

On Wednesday, from the ex, in response to my emailing asking which day he was working this weekend.  For future reference, our custody schedule now goes- me: one week, him: one week, except if he is working his 24 hr shift Fri, Sat or Sun.  Then I get the Boy 1 and Boy 2.
B shift is Sunday, but I could be working Saturday or Sunday at this point, or neither.  You will know when I do.

It is no problem if you are not available by the time I know for sure. My family is complete without any involvement from you.

I absolutely love the last little line/dig.  Good to know!  It’s almost as good as him trying not to give me any advance notice for when I get my kiddos.  Like I care, I’ll take them any day of the week.

Why am I here?

I’ve been sorting through the correspondence from my ex and his wife for a couple of different reasons.  The first being, of course, to illustrate on this blog the sequence of craziness that comes from these sorts of custody disputes.  I also wanted to try to replicate the sense of confusion and outrage that I felt when I was first reading them.  You know what?  I just can’t do it!  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still roll my eyes and snicker at the god-awful spelling and ridiculous lines of illustration that both my ex and his wife used (and still do).  But I’m so over it, although not above blogging about it!

I’ve received a few emails from old far-away friends who, after reading the first few posts here, wrote to offer a listening ear and/or advice.  I love you guys!  But isn’t it insane that this kind of crap is so universal?  That really is the point of this blog.  When I was really in the midst of the insanity, I searched the internet for some sort of parallel to my situation.  I found tons of posts on support boards and forums about extremely abusive ex-spouses, but not so much about the slyly manipulative and controlling one.  I seriously doubt that my life is that unique.  And the techniques that my ex attempts to use on me are not limited to divorced couples.  I’m sure this shit goes on between married couples, extended family members, co-workers, etc.  Boy 2 asked me sometime ago what my life philosophy was.  It didn’t take me long (well, 31 yrs but who’s counting) to realize that it is “Live and Let Live”.  I’ll take you for you are and if I don’t like you that much, I won’t make an issue of it.  I won’t take it personally and I’ll move on.  That has been only one of the huge lessons I have learned (in a roundabout way) from the last two years.  I’m only here to entertain and to impart my teeny bit of wisdom.